My husband has been out of town for a few days. And you know, I really knew he had to take this trip (securing a place to live for us), but I really didn’t want him to go. I was PMS-ing, and I knew dealing with our daughter while he was away was going to be a test and a trial. So to make matters interesting, he realized after we spoke the first night that he left his phone charger at home, and because he has a really out of date phone (just refusing to give it up…lol), we wouldn’t be talking much at all this trip. Not only that, the place he is staying at doesn’t really have Internet service. So, I wouldn’t hear from him much via Internet or chat either.
I couldn’t believe it (in the bad suprise kind of way)! So we finally google chatted for almost an hour yesterday, and then he had to get off because his laptop was about to die. Honestly, I could have cried!!!!!!! The heat index here has been about 100 degrees, and now the high is about 100 too. Alexandria was initially okay, but started getting upset by the end of the first day he was gone because “dada” wasn’t home. And of course, I’m being completely understanding because I’m getting upset too.
So, I’ve been leaning, and I mean LEANING, on some grace this week. This morning I found out I wasn’t pregnant (trying to be polite here), started cramping, and just irritable! Of course, Alexandria decided to wake up earlier than normal and was cranky too (between the heat and teething…smh). So I just got overwhelmed and wanted to put her back in her crib, force her to take a nap, have a good cry, go to sleep, and wake up to find that my husband returned and all was well.
Well, that didn’t happen…lol! For once, in my moment of frustration, I pulled out some post-it notes and I wrote this:
Alicia, You are pms-ing and on your period and tired. You’re naturally irritated right now and missing your husband. Lean on the grace of God, and depend on Him.
And I stuck it on the computer screen, thanked God for the humility to realize my actual position right then, and asked for more grace. Strangely, but not surprisingly, more grace was given. I actually smiled at my daughter, figured out why she was fussing so much, and entertained her until her nap time. Yet even now, she’s falling out in her high chair because she has to finish eating her vegetables. And I’m generally annoyed, but my mindset is different.
I told a friend months ago during a conversation that one of the best things I’ve learned as a parent is to figure out what was wrong with me first whenever I was really frustrated at home. And I still believe that to be one of the best lessons I learned. Being frustrated over the months, I’ve pinpointed generally things that make it worse. For instance, when I’m dehydrated, hungry, have a headache, allergies/sinuses acting up, tired, pms-ing, have an unspoken issue with the husband, convicted by sin but struggling with humility and repentance….all of these things have made me more and more frustrated, irritated, or overwhelmed at others, and especially with my daughter. And not acknowledging these issues have also made accepting the grace of God much more difficult than necessary.
God’s grace is so free and abundant, and when you humble yourself, he so richly pours it on. It’s crazy to me how suddenly He answers that prayer, but He does answer. His grace is so sufficient no matter your problem and the extent of your weakness. It honestly just takes authentic humility, recognizing how weak you are and confessing your complete dependence on Him to care you through. I pray that you see the richness of God’s grace for you no matter what you’re dealing with today, or any day. Blessings!
Since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. – Hebrews 4:14-16