By the end of this weekend, my life is going to dramatically change forever. My husband and I will be welcoming our first child into this world this weekend, and it’s a really exciting event (trust me, I haven’t forgotten the pain part…lol)! But having this child, this little one, will forever impact my life because God has entrusted us with temporary stewardship over this little soul.
Now, I have been asked countless times: How are you? Are you nervous? Are you prepared? In the back of my mind, I keep wondering, how do you prepare for something you have never had happen before? For me, I’ve read books, talked to mothers about their experiences, talked to my husband about the entire process and forced him to read some things I thought were good to know. But, sitting here, knowing that in 24 hours I’ll begin the induction process, I know that the peace I have inside is coming from God alone, not from anything I’ve read. And I am completely thankful that in these last moments, my faith is relying on God alone, and not on anything else.
I’m also wondering if I should have some deep reflective thoughts or inspirational Bible verses to refer to right now, but I don’t…lol! Actually, I felt the same way the night before my wedding, and my mind was blank then too. As in that moment, there is no nervousness, no worrying, no tarrying in prayer because I’m so unsure. Instead, it is as if my eyes are wide open seeing dimly through the fog, but yet fixed on the Light that has remained unmoveable in my life. As long as the Light is there, I have no need to fear. Granted, the days and years ahead of me are completely unknown, and I have absolutely no idea what the future holds. But, as long as that Light is there, there is no need to fear.
But, one thing that I do know in all of this is that my husband and I are being given temporary stewardship over a soul, our child. Stewardship is the position and duties of a steward, a person who acts as the surrogate of another, and it is the responsible overseeing and protection of something considered worth caring for and preserving. When I look at becoming a mother, I see it as becoming a steward. I’m not supposed to be a “god” to my child, but I am simply bearing the responsibility of raising my child in the admonition of the Lord. My mindset is that though this child may “belong” to me, I will still give a full account to the Lord as to how I handled my responsibility over His child. Did I walk in love continually? Did I act out in anger and frustration? Did I guard this child’s heart and mind? Did I forsake discipline? Did I instill a fear of the Lord or a fear of me?
But, I can’t speak to much about being a steward in this capacity yet, because I have yet to walk it out. But I’m sure I’ll have plenty of things to blog about as time goes on. Regardless, I know that because God has entrusted me with His child, He is confident in my ability to handle this responsibility. The primary thing that I must remember is to make sure that my confidence in being a mother is in His ability to provide grace and strength continually through the years. Nothing more….just confidence in Him.
If I try to rely on my own strength and my own ability, I will forever fall short. It is the same thing in marriage. When I entered marriage, I entered it upon faith and confidence in God’s ability to perfect His love in my heart towards one man that I was entering into a covenant with. I didn’t enter marriage thinking that I could be a great wife or that I have the necessary skills to make a marriage work. In fact, I completely doubted all of my abilities, and I grounded myself in trusting His abilities to work in me alone. I think that having that mindset (both of us having that mindset) has made the difference since we’ve been married. I know that it made the difference when we found out that we were having this child. And it will continue to make the difference as we figure out what lies ahead of us in this life.
Thus, with that experience and wisdom, I humbly approach motherhood. I’m certain I won’t get everything right, but I am sure that if I remain humble and submitted to the Lord, He will undoubtedly order my steps and give me grace daily for the work. My desire is that when my child becomes an adult, he or she will see the life of faith that I lived by (the my husband and I both lived by), that he or she will see that we had no confidence in ourselves, but we entrusted ourselves to the power of God. My desire is that my child’s life will be a reflection of that perfect trust in God, and in turn, he or she will place his or her trust in God alone too.
Stewardship is a very important responsibility that God entrusts to His children. As demonstrated in the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14), everyone receives stewardship based on his or her own ability. But it is not what you receive that matters, but it is how diligent you were regarding what you received. As a wife, you could count your marriage in this, your home, your children, your work in the body, even your salvation. All of these things, you work diligently over, keeping them until it is required by the Lord, and then, you give an account for how you handled them all. My prayer is to be found a good steward over all that the Lord has given me, including now this child.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain…Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindess is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. – Proverbs 31