So my husband and I are watching this show on what makes guys undateable. And it is absolutely hilarious because we agree on a lot of it, but some things he really doesn’t understand. So I try to explain some things with examples for him, and then he gets it (while I secretly thank God he would never do that). But obviously this show brings up occasional questions about our relationship, and he mentioned how they should recreate the show for things that women do that make them undateable….of course, I definitely agree. 🙂 So, the conversation eventually turned towards being frustrated with each other, and my husband says that he never gets frustrated with me. When I asked him why that is, he said it was because he knew who he married. And I commented how I’ve gotten a lot better on being frustrated with him because I had to accept the man I married. And I told him that although I have prideful moments of frustration where I just “want him to know” what’s wrong without me saying something, it is far easier when I just mention it so that my need or desire is met. Obviously, he fell out laughing at that and called it that “stupid woman pride”. So, I figured that this was a blog-worthy topic…lol…..stupid woman pride.
Now when I say “stupid woman pride”, I am not talking about the hidden areas of pride in your life that you don’t know about. This is a pride where you know perfectly well that you are just refusing to work with your husband because you KNOW that he doesn’t get it or won’t get it. So, in your pride, you refuse to take any action that would make the situation better in advance, but you would rather become more and more upset about the problem and not tell him. Finally, when you become upset enough, you blow up on him (feeling perfectly justified, by the way), and he is completely clueless about the whole situation! Yes, this is that “stupid woman pride”.
The reason I agree with my husband about this so strongly is because it is literally stupid (or dumb, if you don’t like that word) to knowingly hold something against your husband (or any person) that is making you upset and refuse to say or do anything that could possibly change that. You are willfully and knowingly harboring, planting, watering, fertilizing, and nurturing a seed of anger and discord in your heart against someone. And you KNOW that it will only produce a problem in your relationship, but you refuse to change, utterly refuse. Having this pride in your life goes directly against so many proverbs in Scripture, like:
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” – Proverbs 12:4
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.” – Proverbs 14:1
“Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” – Proverbs 21:9
“Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.” – Proverbs 21:19
“A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; whoever restrains her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand.” – Proverbs 27:15-16
“And I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, but the sinner shall be trapped by her.” – Ecclesiastes 7:26
By having this kind of pride, you do exactly what the scriptures say. You make it absolutely horrible for your husband to deal with you or tolerate you because you refuse to even be peaceable with him, but instead, you harbor contention and anger in your heart. You also tear down your own household because of this pride, and the Lord calls you foolish for doing that.You become EXTREMELY annoying, just like a leak in the room, and you become impossible to understand because you believe that he “should just know” without you ever saying a word about things. In fact, your pride causes you to become a snare for a lot of men, and thus, your husband can grow more and more bitter towards you as time progresses when you don’t address this pride.
Now as I write this, I wonder, why would a woman have this kind of stupid pride, and immediately I think about myself. You see, last night I picked up my husband from the airport (he was on an interview in another state for a few days), and I really missed him and was excited to see him and spend time with him again. So we talk all the way home, and I made sure that there was food prepared for him because I knew he would be hungry….the whole nine. So, after we eat, eventually I was getting tired (pregnancy will do that), and I said that I was going to lay down. While laying there, I could hear my husband watching tv and working on his computer still, but I figured he would come eventually. So I was dozing a bit, and eventually woke up again to find him not there. So I started to get a bit frustrated and wondered why he wasn’t spending time with me if he “really” missed me…..gotta love the female mind here…lol! So I laid there a while, more and more frustrated, and it occurred to me, am I really going to lay here upset or just say something. Honestly, I laid there for about 10-15 more minutes (I won’t lie, that’s what pride does) before I eventually called him. So he walks in and tells me he thought I was sleep, and I told him I was dozing a bit but wanted him to spend time with me. So he’s like, “Oh, okay.” And he walks out to turn off the tv, the lights, and come snuggle and talk with me. And I had to chuckle to myself because my pride was about to keep me from having a really nice night with my husband. And actually, if I was completely honest, my pride would have caused me to have a bad night, wake up in a bad mood this morning, and have a pretty poor day today…..all because I really wanted him to instinctively know what was wrong with me so that I wouldn’t have to say something.
And I know that a lot of women feel that way. You would love for your husbands to just “know” what’s wrong, or “know” how you feel, or “know” what to do to really make you happy for the moment. And let’s face it ladies, he really is not going to know that the way we will ever want to. Reason being is because our desires and wants will change. What he did last time to fix the problem will not be the same solution to our current problem, no matter how alike it appears to be. I mean, I can pretend (the nice way of saying lie) to myself that if Gabe did exactly what he did the last time, it would work this time, but really it won’t. I am a woman, fearfully and wonderfully made. And you know, I can be extremely irrational….a lot (if you ask him….lol). And part of my irrationality is having this stupid woman pride that wants to hold onto the hope that my husband’s way of thinking is going to change immediately and he will just “know” things about me that I don’t have to express and getting upset when he doesn’t get it.
Ladies, I challenge you to consider your hearts. If you find this “stupid woman pride” there….trust me, it will not take you long to find it if you are being completely real with yourself…please take that pride to the Lord and leave it there before Him. And when the pride wants to walk off the altar, make sure you call it out and put it back to death again. Don’t allow this stupid pride to make you contentious and lacking peace in your own home. Don’t let this pride get your husband to the place where he can’t stand to be around you anymore. Don’t let this pride lead you into believing that you should never have to speak up when you need or want something from your husband, and then allow you to grow angry and frustrated when your need isn’t met. This pride is soooo deceptive, but sooooooo obvious! Deceptive because it leads you to feel justified about the way you feel, but obvious because it directly leads you into anger and discontent, which obviously is not from the Lord. So, ladies, guard your hearts, be real with yourselves, and don’t hold onto this “stupid woman pride”. Love you!