I tend to ask my husband occasionally what I can do for him or what I can do to make him happy. And you know, he gives me an answer that is virtually useless….”You mean now? Well, nothing I can think of.” And I always roll my eyes and say, “Really honey? Nothing?” And then I try to do something small for him, like pour hot water for some tea, and he tells me that he can do it. And it goes on and on……So the other night, we had a conversation, and I asked him what makes him happy. And he said, “Well, when you’re happy.” And so I was like, “No, what makes you happy on your own? Is it something like having time to watch sports? Or having time for other things?” And he said, “Honey, when a man decides to get married, he makes a conscious decision to not place a high value on the things that once made him happy. Thus, with or without these things, I can be happy, and thus, how you are, affects my happiness. So, if you aren’t happy, then I am not happy, and I will try to fix those things so that you are happy again.”
And you know, I thought a lot about what he said. Do husbands really make conscious decisions to devalue the things that once made them happy when they get married? And do wives make conscious decisions to devalue the things that once made them happy when they get married too?
Regardless, I considered my husbands words for over a day, and I realized that I really do affect his happiness on a daily basis. When I am struggling with something or frustrated or angry, it immediately impacts the happiness he would normally have. So, when I fail to appropriately deal with something or have refused to submit to God in a particular area and lack peace, it also affects him negatively. Yet, if I strive each day to live in the grace and strength of God, if I surrender my problems to the Lord and submit to His will for my life so that I can have true rest….my oh my, the happiness and joy that we both experience together!
Thinking about what he said has personally challenged me, as a wife. I know that my husband works diligently to make me happy everyday, but I know that I have not had the same amount of diligence towards him in a way that would truly make him happy. (Because ladies, let’s face it, we think that we know what will make him happy and do that, and those things have absolutely nothing to do with how he feels but what we think!) I think that I want to be more diligent in this. I want to abide in the peace of God everyday. I know that there will be some days that are harder than others, but when has the grace of God ever failed me when I went after it? Honestly, it never has, but it takes humility to seek after it. And maybe that is it. Maybe the key to my husband’s happiness is my humility before God in all things, everyday. …..just a thought